So, Life, What Happened?

 

(Picture courtesy of Google)

When people said something about 'quarter-life crisis', they are no shit. I am 25--the age of the said quarter-life crisis--and I am in a crisis. I used to think that it's just an excuse for people whose life is miserable cause they haven't figured anything out in their life yet. Tell you what--it's not an excuse. It's there and it's real. Boom. Now go cry in the corner of your room.

 

Here I am, in a city I never knew I'd be assigned in, 423 miles away from home. No relatives, no close friends whatsoever. For people who know what I do, they would think I got everything figured out: A job with a good pay and a steady and emotionally stable relationship. Pretty much 'everything right' a twenty-something could ask for. Yes, I can afford a plane tickets home even for once a week if I want to. Yes, I can afford the latest iPhone if I want to. But is it enough? Is it what I'm looking for? And once again, I'm embarking on a soul-searching journey..

 

When half of your close friends are married or about to get married in the next 12 months, you'll start questioning when will you be able to get everything in order and arranged like they do. It's not that I'm starting to feel peer pressure of getting hitched--I know it's a sacred stage you do once in a lifetime that you can't take back so you gotta be easy and not rush into that--it's more of when will I find out of what truly makes me happy. For them, probably marriage is what makes them happy and content, cause they believe everything will follow after. For some, marriage can wait, cause their first priority is to build a career ladder high enough for everybody to see. As for me, I don't know what truly makes me happy. Of course, someday I'll get married, have kids, settle down just like a perfect domestic life you see in the movies. But on the other hand, I feel like I haven't achieved what I'm really looking for at work. I don't like what I do. Or more like I no longer like what I do, meanwhile I need to feel content in what I do. How am I supposed to like something that no longer fills me in?

 

"You're too much of overthinker, you need to loosen up a little."

 

I do loosen up a little. Yes, I get refreshed then that's it. I still feel insecure at times. Not of who I am as an individual, but more of what I should do.

 

I always admire people who can just forget everything to do what they love to do. Or just focus on their dreams and make it happen--simply by doing what they really love to do. My boyfriend is one of those people. Of course the struggle is much more real than those whose career path is basically already paved by the company--like me. But the struggle of doing what you love is where the happiness lays, isn't it?

 

Well, I just wish I could just do anything I love, focus on it, and not have a worry or doubt in the world..