March 26, 2010. 10.55 P.M.

i miss these people..

and these people..

and also these people..

i miss times like this..

and also times like this..

and this..

and this, too..

but this is what i miss the most..

i miss highschool so bad.

Cheers!

"The best part of being single is:
You don't have to watch anything you don't want to watch
You don't have to hear anything you don't want to hear
Or do anything you don't want to do.."

You'll Never Be My Sister-In-Law

dear Miss Punk-rock-wannabe,

i dont have a clear reason why i hate you. all i know is just i disliked you; and what a pity it grows to a hate. i hate all the words coming out your mouth. i hate the texts you've sent to me. i hate your outfits. i hate the way you show your relationship status off. i hate the way you post that silly pics of you and him together. i hate realizing all of your pathetic Facebook statuses are for him. i hate remembering that i once met you and him at the cinema. i hate the the way you act like you know every little thing of Blink 182, while the whole universe know you just know them not more than 12.71254 days ago. but the most hated part of you is the fact that you're his and he's yours.

congratulations, i loathe hate you.

I've Got No Time For Feeling Sorry

"We still live in the same town, well don't we?
But I don't see you around anymore
I go to all the same places, not even a trace of you
Your days are numbered at 24

And I'm getting bored waiting 'round for you
We're not getting any younger
And I won't look back cause there's no use
It's time to move forward

I feel no sympathy, you live inside a cave
You barely get by, the rest of us are trying
There's no need to apologize
I've got no time for feeling sorry

I try not to think of what might happen
When your reality, it finally cuts through
Well as for me I got out and I'm on the road
The worst part is that this could be you

And you know it too
You can't run from your shame
You're not getting any younger
And time keeps passing by
But you wave it away
It's time to roll over

And all the best lies
They are told with fingers tied
So cross them tight, won't you promise me tonight
If it's the last thing you do you'll get out

I feel no sympathy, you live inside a cave
You barely get by, the rest of us are trying
There's no need to apologize
I've got no time for feeling sorry.."

(Feeling Sorry - Paramore)

i never get the point of revenge and i never put any vengeance in everyone. i swear its true. the thing is i just never forget about whatever people do to me, whether its good or bad. and this one; its for you who wasted me away twice and now you're in vain. the whole damn world knows you are gone have moved on but they'll just never forget your past ... just like i do. may you sleep well in every night of yours cause we all know you're having your karma.
(note that i'm not cursing, complaining or whatsoever in this post. i'm only writing.)

Romance and Relationship

single (not comparable)

Positive single

Comparative not comparable

Superlative none (absolute)

1. Not accompanied by anything else.

   Can you give me a single reason not to leave right now?

2. Not divided in parts.

   The potatoes left the spoon and landed in a single big lump on the plate.

3. Designed for the use of only one.

   a single room

4. Designed for a single use; not reusable.

   the anti-aircraft rocket is fired from a single use launch platform.

5. Not married nor dating

   Josh put down that he was a single male on the dating website.

6. (botany) Having only one rank or row of petals.

so, i'm back in this blogging thingy after leaving it meaningless for, like, ever ever after. well, not that long, though. okay, only a few months. but since i'm kinda addicted to writing, its like for ever for me. skip it.
so, what makes me post this 'single' word meaning? nothing, just kinda describe what i've been for almost 2 months. (yeah, i broke up. again. dont worry, i dont do suicide nor drinking pesticide. only guiltiness surrounded for few weeks.) hell to the yeah, i am single. for now. but in my lifetime (so far), i never find it wrong in being one. well, whats so wrong, eh? but these days i'm kinda thinking about what makes my relationship never lasted long, while the people here, around me, have been with their partners since, like, the invention of electricity. one of my college friends had been with her BF for 4 years (bottom line, FOUR YEARS), but still ended up with a breaking-up. but i mean, hey, its four years! so they'd been together since i was still in Junior High. cool, isn't it? while the longest relationship i've ever had is only 6 months. bottom line, six months. and the last relationship only lasted for 3 months. bottom line, three months. kinda sucks knowing i kinda suck in relationships.. *sighs* anyway, does anybody mind if i post about romance or relationship this time?
until one day, i told my auntie i had a fling on this guy. we've been texting for, like, some weeks. i told her he seemed nice, kind and those sort of things, but then she said, "kamu itu ga ada arah kalo nyari cowo." only one sentence consisted of some words but it made me get some kind of shock. to be honest. it got me thinking. and i was like, "damn, she's right." i never had any intention to anyone this long and i think thats the main reason why my relationships never lasted long. what to be called this? pathetic? silly? yeah, i'd said "i'm only 18, after all." but intention in relationship doesn't always mean marriage, right? (beside there are hella lots of types of relationships) it could be how long you expect you're gonna be with your partner, how committed you're both gonna be, or how important your partner means to you (either he/she be the top on your life priority or he/she be the top on your future wishlist). it means a lot. holy cow, how could i just realize it now? long after i'd been in some relationships?
the conclusion, after all, is i think i'm gonna fix this. either its with this guy or not, i'm gonna try to find the 'intention' to my so-on relationship. what about if i dont find one? oh puh-lease Jess, you'll never know til you have tried. (copied from the wisdom words in the bottom line of that X brand notebook)

What The ...

PENGUMUMAN HASIL SNMPTN 2009

Peserta Diterima

No.Peserta : 2092706536
Nama Peserta : JESSICA CASSANDRA
Kode Prodi : 362042

"what the..." to be honest, itu reaksi pertama saya waktu pertama kali liat Pengumuman Hasil SNMPTN 2009 di website snmptn.ac.id. i was wondering "how could?" karena jujur, saya sendiri ikut SNMPTN cuma melalui jalur "yang-penting-ikut". yeah, thats for sure! dan yang lebih gilanya lagi, saya dengan PeDe dan nekat nya ambil UI di pilihan pertama dan Unpad di pilihan kedua. (well, cukup gila bagi teman-teman saya yang sebagian besar milih Unila sebagai pilihan kedua yang menurut mereka udah pasti bisa jadi "pegangan") saya sih ga pernah setitik pun naro harapan di SNMPTN kemaren. i mean; masuk sukur, ga masuk ya udah. makanya saya kaget begitu liat ternyata i made it for Unpad (FYI, 362042 adalah kode prodi buat jurusan Ekonomi Manajemen Universitas Padjadjaran). what a coincidence..
hmm.. saya rasa kemaren merupakan one of my luckiest days lagi deh. kenapa? karena saya mendapat 2 kabar baik beruntun. pertama, saya lulus SNMPTN (walopun bukan di UI. yah, cukup beruntung kan bagi saya yang ga melakukan persiapan apapun malem sebelumnya?). dan kedua, saya mendapat kabar kalo band saya (ehem!) Remember To December lolos ke babak final suatu festival musik yang diadain salah satu stasiun TV lokal Lampung. yah emang kurang tepat kalo dibilang hoki sih buat yang satu itu, soalnya lolos atau nggak nya sebuah band di ajang ini ditentuin oleh 25% penilaian juri dan 75% polling SMS and we were like sending tons of polls in the last 2 days. hmm.. tapi bisa juga sih dibilang ada unsur lucky nya sedikit, karena sejujurnya suara saya kurang bagus tapi saya malah dapet pujian dari komentator. (woohooo! clap clap clap! *standing ovation*)
jadi, untuk setahun ke depan (hopefully) saya akan berkuliah di Bandung. kenapa hopefully hanya setahun ke depan? karena saya tetep berkeras (kepala) pada target utama saya yaitu melanjutkan studi ke negeri singa walopun baru bisa masuk tahun depan. (FYI, tahun ini saya terlambat mempersiapkan semua supporting documents yang masih teronggok manis di beberapa sudut kamar). yeah JC, you surely can do it! GO JC GO JC GO! (*cheerleaders cheering*)

Dear (your name here)

flashback (plural: flashbacks)

1. a dramatic device in which an earlier event is inserted into the normal chronological flow of a narrative
2. (psychology) a vivid mental image of a past trauma, especially one that recurs
3. a similar recurrence of the effects of a hallucinogenic drug
   

saya baru aja search arti kata flashback secara harafiah, dan ini yang muncul waktu saya coba search di Wiktionary. (okay, yang terakhir agak berlebihan, dan kata trauma sepertinya bukan arti yang saya inginkan untuk muncul..) well, kenapa saya bahas flashback? apa karena saya baru mendengar kata itu dan ga tau artinya sampe saya bela-belain nyari artinya di interntet? tentu bukan! saya udah denger kata ini berkali-kali, jauh sebelum saya memutuskan untuk nyari artinya, which means hari ini. saya bahas flashback adalah karena saya baru aja nyadar kalo beberapa hari terakhir ini saya terlalu sering flashback.. yeah, i know thats never been good! at least for me..
jadi, apa yang menyebabkan saya sering flashback akhir-akhir ini? hmm.. to be honest, i dont even know exactly why! mungkin karena akhir-akhir ini saya ga banyak berkegiatan, ditambah dengan pikiran "high school is over, high school is over", ditambah lagi dengan ketakutan berlebihan soal seberapa jauh saya dan teman-teman bakal terpisah, whoa! i hate those thoughts!
and for making it worse, tiba-tiba saya inget sama (ehem!) mantan saya. bukan "inget", tapi inget dalam arti sebenernya. saya tiba-tiba inget sama larangan dia untuk sekolah jauh. saya tiba-tiba inget sama semua lagu yang pernah dia kasih ke saya (dari yang paling aneh sampe yang paling meaningful buat saya pada waktu itu). saya tiba-tiba inget sama betapa sabarnya saya ngadepin dia pada waktu itu. saya tiba-tiba inget sama momen-momen kami ketawa bareng di mobilnya yang lama. saya tiba-tiba inget betapa seringnya kami pergi muter-muter keliling kota sambil nyanyi-nyanyi ga jelas di mobilnya. saya tiba-tiba inget sama semua kejujuran yang pernah dia akuin ke saya, yang setelah saya pikir-pikir sekarang "why didnt i kill him? that was brutally honest!" (well, dia terlalu jujur untuk cerita soal pengalaman tahun baru 2008 nya di Jakarta. or maybe he was out of control for telling that?) saya tiba-tiba inget sama nickname dia untuk saya yang sekarang jadi sering saya gunakan lagi. and i totally remembered when he switched the radio off and said "listening to our voices is much better." hmm.. saya pikir ini semua mungkin karena saya terlalu tenggelam dalam pikiran tentang semua yang bakal saya tinggalin disini kalo saya beneran kuliah disana. yes, all of the things. the people, the friends, the environment and those sort of things.. well, saya bisa jadi sangat melankolis dan emosional waktu flu. *clears throat*
i think i'd much better stop writing about this now. there's no doubt that i could cry if i keep writing this down.. ahh melancholy!