Things I Consumed / Did in the Past Weeks Vol. 2

So we're officially in the mid of April. I've broken my own promise to regularly write, which is a shame. [Insert THAT "Shame! Shame!" scene from Game of Thrones here] Is it just me or does time really go by so fast the more you grow up and moreover ever since the pandemic hit? I've been working from home since mid March last year, with still no plan for working from office in hindsight, and time is getting more and more of a blurry concept for me. Feelings like "Was it 2 months or just 3 weeks ago I started using this skincare product?" "Is it Thursday already?" is starting to appear almost on daily basis. Might as well just say that time is a concept I start struggling to grasp.

So, what have I discovered in the past weeks?

1. This cool global vaccination tracker by Reuters. It gives you insights on the current progress of COVID-19 vaccination in each country that has commenced the process. You can also get insights and graphs for each of the country (e.g. active cases, vaccination speed, vaccination phase etc). Kudos to Reuters data team.
2. The Irregulars on Netflix. They just released in mid March and I'm still on episode 4. The premise of this series is that Sherlock Holmes and dr. Watson, the already-famous and respectable crime detective duo, turned to five teenagers to help them solve some darker cases. Do not expect regular murder cases in this, expect something more like "murdered by an unseen force" kind of cases. I once read that in the Victorian era, where the series is supposed to take place, due to the lack of entertainment, seances are one of the most common "entertainment" people could get their hands on. Makes you feel damn lucky to be born in this era, huh?
3. Somethinc Game Changer Tripeptide Eye Concentrate Gel. Riding into my thirties, I know very wel that eye cream should've been a staple for my skincare routine--and I do incorporate it starting this year. TBH I don't expect much for any of the eye treatment product I bought--I did my research and dark circles are not that easy to get rid of and some even can't be gone due to genetics factor. Hence, every time I bought eye treatment product, I only aim for it to be the moisturizing agent for my eye area, since the drier it gets, the more wrinkles you'll have. If this product turns out to also be helpful in vanishing my dark circle, I would count it as a bonus. 
4. Around end of March I had another bizarre dream. It no longer comes as a surprise for me, since it's become quite a habit ever since the pandemic hit. (Apparently I'm not alone--NatGeo has even written an article about it, complete with the scientific reason, that I've read since). The dream involved me and him, and his dad, stranded(?) in an airport. His dad took off, leaving only me and him in the crowded airport. We got separated mid-way, and I managed to get out of the airport. Guess what I saw the moment I set my foot out the airport? Dago area. BCA Dago junction to be exact. The city was so advanced that they even had roller coaster as one of their modes of transportation and their MRT has transparent track. And guess what city I turned out to be in? I was stranded in an airport in Santiago, Chile. The End.
5. In the same week, only a few days apart, came along another strange dream. It involved 2012-era 1D (guess I'd been watching too many videos of them and listened too much of their songs) and myself. In the dream, they were about to shoot their latest music video, which was What Makes You Beautiful, in Bogor. Yep, our freaking Bogor, West Java, Indonesia. The set was located in some mountainous area in Bogor in the middle of some old kingdom ruins (I know, it was as bizarre as that). Highlight of the dream: Harry Styles taught me how to dance. Do not picture current hot-and-pretty Harry Styles in mind, but this one was 2012, cute, curly-haired Harry Styles. The End.

That's all for now. Hopefully I'll manage to come up with another list exactly next week!

Things I Consumed / Did in the Past Weeks Vol. 1

Since I feel like I've slowly lost my ability to do writing (hell, even my vocabulary has gotten worse each day!), I've pledged myself to start regularly updating this page by writing down what I consumed/did and/or what weird dreams I had the past weeks. (Will try to do it biweekly, but hopefully committed enough to do it weekly). 

Disclaimer: This list is inspired by Haley Nahman, ex-Man Repeller (RIP) deputy editor whose weekly newsletter, Maybe Baby, I subscribed to. In the newsletter, she listed "15 Things I Consumed Last Week." 

So, here goes the first edition of Things I Consumed / Did in the Past Weeks.

1. Learning Spanish in Duolingo. I've heard about the app since around 2 years ago, and some of the people I know swear by it since they claimed it makes learning new language so easy. So I decided to download the app with the intention of learning new language (duh). Accent-related videos are the kind of videos I watch on YouTube and only knowing 2 languages certainly doesn't reflect the level of linguist I kind of aspire to be. Anyway, I downloaded the app and was torn between learning French or Spanish at first, but then I remember I took French class in college and it was embarrassing--the only phrases I still memorize now other than 'Au revoir' is 'Quelle heure est-il?' (I even still need to Google how to write the latter phrase.) So, I decided that Spanish, it is. It was going well, and now by writing this I just remember I haven't continued the lesson for days. Sorry, Duolingo, I'll get back to you tonight.
2. Lots and lots of One Direction videos on YouTube. Yes, THAT One Direction, 1D or whatever you call it. The biggest boyband in the mid 2010s. I can't remember what dragged me into the YouTube rabbit hole of their videos, but now, 3 weeks passed by, and the algorithm in my YouTube home feeds have (almost) completely changed to all 1D-related videos. I never hated them, I knew all of their hit songs since they all seemed to be playing nonstop on the radio back then, and quite frankly I enjoyed their songs. But that was it--never even thought to follow them on social media. (I just started following Harry Styles on Instagram since I loved his first solo album that it was constantly on the loop in my car and Dunkirk was magnificent.) But now, fast forward 5 years later since they announced their "hiatus", I found myself following both Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles on Instagram. And on Twitter too for Louis. Not a big fan of the Larry Stylinson theory, though. 
3. Louis Tomlinson's Walls album. It's currently on repeat. TBH Louis is my favorite 1D member, yes, fight me. He might be seen as the weakest in 1D, but I think it was more due to his raspy voice that might not quite fit the type of 1D pop songs. Now that he released his first debut album (well, it was released last year), I feel like the music fit his voice well. Some tracks kind of remind me of the 90s Britpop songs I used to listen to in Hard Rock FM while driving to campus, and, additionally, Liam Gallagher was even credited as one of the lyricists in one of the songs. Louis said this album was heavily influenced by the music he listened to growing up (he mentioned Oasis a lot, also Arctic Monkeys and Amy Winehouse), and it was indeed reflected in it. Well, not in all songs, but in some of the best ones IMO. I discovered that he was due to have a concert in Jakarta in June this year, which I'm really eager to go, but seeing the circumstances, I bet it would be rescheduled or even cancelled. 
4. Cycling. Been doing it for almost 5 months or so now in the pursuit of a healthier lifestyle approaching the dirty thirty of age. So far I'm still enjoying it since I got to ride in Bandung with all its easy breezy weather. And hey, I got tanner! :)
5. The Crown. Yes, the series. Just started watching 2 weeks ago, currently still not finished Season 1--my progress is as slow as a sloth's movements. I knew about the series for quite some time, but I was still hesitant whether to jump into the fictional Lady-Di-vs-Camilla bandwagon. Then the news about the series snatching many awards in Golden Globes broke out, I convinced myself to give it a go. Turned out it's as good as the awards proved to be. Fingers crossed I'd progress much this week--I'm so looking forward to meeting Lady Di and Camilla in Season 3 (or 4?).
6. YouTube. So, here's a thing. Pre-pandemic, I was not really into YouTube--I very rarely accessed it unless I really wanted to. Then, boom, came along the lockdown. The first five months of the pandemic, I was practically living by myself with literally nobody else under the same roof and nobody to meet and talk to beside the food delivery guys, my apartment's security guys and the cashiers at the supermarket. (Looking back, I was quite surprised how I could survive living like that for THAT long.) So, one day I started to take a peek into YouTube to fill my soul's emptiness, and before I knew it, I was hooked. Now I watch videos on YouTube almost on daily basis. Anyway, pre-1D-obsessed era, my go-to channels were history- and ghost-hunting-related (not even gonna defend myself for the latter obsession)--they were Weird History, Puppet History section in Watcher and Buzzfeed Unsolved. Some YouTube trivia fact: My comment on James Corden's Carpool Karaoke with Paul McCartney video got 386 likes (yay, Me!). If only I could write it down in my CV.. 
7. Cooking Dash, Candy Crush Saga and Interior Story. I used to mock my friends who spent money on games, but now the joke's on me since I think I've spent collectively almost IDR 1 mio by now for buying gold bars in all 3 of the games. I am OBSESSED with all 3 of them, especially Cooking Dash. I seriously needed help. But now I've successfully gained back my self-control of not spending another IDR on games. Gotta convince myself that I can still survive with only 11 gold bars in Cooking Dash.

That's all that I can think of for now. Fingers crossed I would be so committed as to update this page regularly with new (hopefully) interesting enough things in the list.

A Desperate Call to 23andMe

(Picture credit: Here)

Just last week, at the age of 29, my uncle told me that we are of Spanish/Portuguese descent from my maternal grandmother. That came of a surprise for me. Growing up, I was pretty close with my maternal grandma (I called her Oma). I remember back when I was in elementary school, she often told me stories about how his Mom and Dad met, the names of her father, mother, and grandparents, what they did for living, and stuff. I remember vividly. And I always listened to her with pure excitement--I just found it's interesting to know about the people who lived way before you. I'm not sure whether she once mentioned about our European ancestors, but what I still remember is that her Dad (a.k.a my maternal great-grandpa) worked for the Dutch and always wore suits and dress shoes every day, even at home. He was as flamboyant as that--as flamboyant as a Manadonese man who worked for the Dutch in the early 1900s could be.

When I was little, I would often ask questions to my Mom and Dad of our roots. I don't know why, but the topic always seemed to interest me. I was especially curious about my paternal side of the family, since what I always knew growing up is that we are of Chinese descent. It's even still very obvious from my facial features--the small eyes and all. But not much ever came up, other than that my paternal grandma (or Nyai as we would call her) was born in West Java as the only child and that her parents were the first generation Chinese in Indonesia. I remember I once asked my Dad which part of China they came from, and he had no idea. The curiosity probably stemmed from whenever I visited her grave, her date of birth was not written, only the month (September 1920). I also remember I asked my Dad why it wasn't written and he said none of her kids know her exact birthday. They have asked her but she never revealed her birthdate. Now that's the case for Sherlock to crack..

So, today is Chinese New Year. The year of the ox. When I was in middle school, my Dad usually took us to his uncle's house 2.5-hour drive away from our city to celebrate it with his family. His uncle is his mother's closest cousin, and probably the closest to a sibling Nyai had. Visiting his family was the closest thing I got to feel like connecting with my one of my roots. We handed out red envelopes, ate the mooncake and had all the Chinese snacks I never had (well, technically I already knew haw flakes since I was 4 or 5, but that's only it). When his uncle passed away (I guess when I was in high school), that was when the tradition stopped. We stopped visiting and only met each other once a while when there was a wedding or something. Seeing how curious myself was, I didn't quite get it why my brothers or cousins didn't seem to feel the same. Am I too obsessed with my roots? Well..

Same thing goes to my maternal side of the family. When listening to the revelation from my uncle for the first spit seconds, I was thinking "No way, my great-grandpa might be dressing like a European man back then, but that was a bit of a stretch." But then I started to connect the dots. From what I know, my great-grandpa was born and raised in North Sulawesi, which is pretty close to Moluccas (first Portuguese settlers came here) and just south of the Philippines (a Spanish colony). Also, Oma had a grey-ish eye color. I always thought that this was due to some eye conditions of the elderly, but I was wrong. My uncle (he's the firstborn) also had the same eye color, so it's a gene. So does it really mean it's true that I am of probably 6th or 7th generation Spanish/Portuguese descent? This kind of guessing game would've been much easier if only any of my family member still keeps the family tree, which my uncle said we had from both sides of the family (my Oma and Opa).

Now, going to my Opa's side of the family. My Mom often said that Opa had South Asian blood in him, and that he is of Tambi descent. I looked up where Tambi located in the map (I was guessing Bangladesh or India or even Middle Eastern), but it turned out Tambi is what the locals used to call people of Indian descent. I don't know what facial features were most distinctive of Indians back then, but what I remember vividly of Opa's facial features is that his nose was that of an Arab one. You know, a big, pointed-down one, if any of my explanation makes sense. He had tanned skin, a bit darker for Southeast Asian man, and I always thought that it was probably because he was out in the sun too much when he was in the army. Guess I was wrong and that it was also of his gene. Well..

Anyway, the thing is I really regret of not having big enough of a curiosity of my ancestry when my grandparents and Dad were still around. I wish I know who keeps the family tree my Opa kept updated. And I wish I could tell these tales to my kids one day, that they were indeed of world citizens, descendants of this and that part of the world. As for now, this might probably be the case only 23andMe could crack.

Indonesia, 1 Juni 2017

Sebagai seseorang yang lahir dari latar belakang etnis yang beragam, saya seringkali dibingungkan oleh orang-orang dengan tingkat toleransi rendah. Apalagi para chauvinis. "Etnis saya yang lebih baik" "Saya hanya mau menikah dengan orang bersuku X karena itu suku saya" "Jangan berteman dengan orang beragama Y, mereka tidak percaya konsep Ketuhanan Yang Maha Esa." Kalimat-kalimat semacam ini tidak pernah masuk logika saya.

 

Ibu saya keturunan Palembang-Manado-Jawa, ayah saya Lampung-Cina. Sejak SMP, saya bersahabat dengan orang-orang yang beragama Islam, Katolik, Buddha dan Kristen dari etnis Pribumi dan Tionghoa. Selama hamper 26 tahun saya hidup, tidak pernah sekalipun keluarga serta sahabat saya mempermasalahkan ataupun berkonflik karena latar belakang etnis maupun agama yang berbeda. Ketika Anda tumbuh besar dikelilingi dengan 'perbedaan', 'perbedaan' tersebut tidak akan terasa sebagai 'perbedaan', karena Anda menganggap bahwa itu adalah sesuatu yang wajar dan bukan suatu 'keanehan.' Dan saya yakin karena inilah Pancasila dibentuk dan dijadikan sebagai dasar negara.

Pancasila itu saling meghargai.

#SayaIndonesia. #SayaPancasila.

So, Life, What Happened?

 

(Picture courtesy of Google)

When people said something about 'quarter-life crisis', they are no shit. I am 25--the age of the said quarter-life crisis--and I am in a crisis. I used to think that it's just an excuse for people whose life is miserable cause they haven't figured anything out in their life yet. Tell you what--it's not an excuse. It's there and it's real. Boom. Now go cry in the corner of your room.

 

Here I am, in a city I never knew I'd be assigned in, 423 miles away from home. No relatives, no close friends whatsoever. For people who know what I do, they would think I got everything figured out: A job with a good pay and a steady and emotionally stable relationship. Pretty much 'everything right' a twenty-something could ask for. Yes, I can afford a plane tickets home even for once a week if I want to. Yes, I can afford the latest iPhone if I want to. But is it enough? Is it what I'm looking for? And once again, I'm embarking on a soul-searching journey..

 

When half of your close friends are married or about to get married in the next 12 months, you'll start questioning when will you be able to get everything in order and arranged like they do. It's not that I'm starting to feel peer pressure of getting hitched--I know it's a sacred stage you do once in a lifetime that you can't take back so you gotta be easy and not rush into that--it's more of when will I find out of what truly makes me happy. For them, probably marriage is what makes them happy and content, cause they believe everything will follow after. For some, marriage can wait, cause their first priority is to build a career ladder high enough for everybody to see. As for me, I don't know what truly makes me happy. Of course, someday I'll get married, have kids, settle down just like a perfect domestic life you see in the movies. But on the other hand, I feel like I haven't achieved what I'm really looking for at work. I don't like what I do. Or more like I no longer like what I do, meanwhile I need to feel content in what I do. How am I supposed to like something that no longer fills me in?

 

"You're too much of overthinker, you need to loosen up a little."

 

I do loosen up a little. Yes, I get refreshed then that's it. I still feel insecure at times. Not of who I am as an individual, but more of what I should do.

 

I always admire people who can just forget everything to do what they love to do. Or just focus on their dreams and make it happen--simply by doing what they really love to do. My boyfriend is one of those people. Of course the struggle is much more real than those whose career path is basically already paved by the company--like me. But the struggle of doing what you love is where the happiness lays, isn't it?

 

Well, I just wish I could just do anything I love, focus on it, and not have a worry or doubt in the world..

Sanity II

Where can I apply for job that is located nearby this kind of place

that everytime I feel bored I can just take a 5-mins walk to breathe in the fresh air, stare blankly at the distant view and become sane again?

 

(source: here)

Sanity

So, 2016 has been a wreck to many.

Well, it has been the same too to me cause I kinda lost the encouragement and interest in writing. Which is a mini doom to me. Screw you, 2016. You were a disaster and a disappointment.

Anyway, these tunes are what's been keeping me sane for the past week. Quite a good way to start my 2017. #thanksSpotify

 

Cheers to another year of engagement and wedding ceremony of good friends and acquaintances that we don't know very well but might as well attend for the sake of nice gesture!

 

 

Things That Inevitably Happen When I Date My Best Friend

1. Introducing him to my friends was never an okay-will-they-like-him-or-not nervousness since, well, we've been sharing almost the same circle of friends the whole time. His friends are mostly mine, too, and vice versa.

2. No time wasted for digging up his pasts. Like, who his exes and crushes were, including their ups-and-downs and even the nasty breakups they'd been through. Cause he practically had shared every story with me when we were still just best friends. (Moments of 'Here she comes, the kleptomaniac beauty in disguise' or 'Nah, she was the one he dated only by accident' or 'Oops, there she goes, the drama queen who kissed like a frog' when having encounter with one of his exes did happen.)

3. I also didn't waste much time to explain my previous doomed relationships to him, which means no energy wasted to explain what personalities and values I look up to and I ditch in a man. Cause he just knows my stories.

4. Figuring out what he likes and dislikes of almost everything was never a deep-dive analytic research I should spend much time on. No time wasted to figure out what music he listens to ('No, he doesn't listen to Maroon 5. He hates Adam Levine as if he once stole his girlfriend'), which fashion style he's into ('He thinks ripped shorts are too teenager-ish to be worn by women in mid 20's'), or what movie genre he's up for ('He enjoys drama more than I do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯'). Years of befriending him has revealed it all.

5. Jealousy very rarely interferes. I know where he goes, whom he goes out with, what he will do (basically just beers over football, liquors only show up for certain celebrations), and even how he will react if someone hits on him (mostly gays ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). There's nothing suspicious and I just happen to trust him.

6. Since trust has already taken place, high intensity of texting and phonecalls are not mandatory on daily basis. The urge to always have to know what he's up to in each minute of his life has never appeared since we just let each other roll. Texting mostly only happens during lunch and before bed time, and phone calls are not so much (mostly only 2-3 times on weekly basis, several minutes at the max, unless something very interesting to talk about comes up). Cause we both know we are busy and are always up for something else to do during day time and we just gotta let it that way. Or in other words, cause both of us are just so ~cool~ about it.

7. Anxiety before meeting his family was not really there since, at some point in my life, I have met them once or twice before. Which means no time wasted to adjust to new faces, habits and communication style.

8. Of course there were and will be times when we're both trapped in an argument or when things get way out of hands that all I can think of is how easier days were when we were still just best friends. No drama, no argument. But then again, thanks to years of befriending him that has taught me well on how to cope with each other's ego and stubbornness, any argument are settled almost in an instant.

9. Reference of both me and him as an item by our friends finally pop up. It was kinda weird at first, but I enjoy it over time. (Expect sayings like 'It's $25 including tax for both of you' or 'Hey, this. He left his phone charger at my place' or 'Hey, tell him I can't show up tonight. Also tell him I say congrats, though')

10. I don't try hard to impress him by always being 100% perfect. He knows exactly since the beginning about what I'm good at and what I'm not, he criticizes me for what I can do more and calm me down when I realize I set my expectation too high, he knows I have a sensitive skin that cannot be covered with makeup all day ('Haha, you have blackheads!'), he knows I have cellulite in some body parts ('If we can make $1,000 for every cellulite line you have, we'll be filthy rich, baby!'). He knows my sparkles and flaws since Day 1, and he chooses to stick around anyway.

11. Speaking of try-hards, our relationship basically reflects simplicity. No need for fancy dinner every weekend, no need for far getaway every month, or a bouquet of roses every monthversary. We just appreciate the little things more. Simple homemade breakfast on weekend? Sounds great. Grocery shopping on Saturday night? I'm in. And then when we finally celebrate the real occasions (e.g. birthdays, anniversaries), it feels more pleasant, delightful, and sincere.

12. But no matter what, since Day 1, he is the one who knows what my pillow face looks like and what my habit before bed is (since at one point during our time in university we got to be living under the same roof together with other 14 students for 4 weeks for our university's program), what turns me off the most and what lame jokes I'm into. Or in other words, making each other laugh and keeping one away from disappointment is a low-hanging fruit for both of us. And we like it that way.

Re-evaluating the Term 'Nerd'

 "A: When is Doraemon's birthday again?

B: May 19.

A: I see.

B: Wait, it's Miiko's. Doraemon's is September 3.

C: [cynical laugh] Neeerd."

This conversation happened months ago between me and two friends. It was coming out as a joke, nobody was offended, but it got me thinking: What does 'nerd' really mean? Is it an unshaped, overweight or skinny person with braces and zits all over his/her face who excels at Math, Physics or any other science subjects? Or is it a socially awkward person who reads HTML code like the back of his/her hand? Or is it just that they're not in your self-claimed cool clique that you classify them as uncool and therefore identified as geek/nerd? Or is it that they just happen to read much more than you do that it turns them into a walking encyclopedia that somehow intimidating you with their broad knowledge of, well, almost everything?

I have to admit that I was once a much more judgmental person. You're into online video game? Nerd. You're into anime and cosplay? Geek. You're into analysis and research? Get a life. But now that I am working in a management consulting firm where finding a Stanford / Harvard / Oxford / Cambridge graduate is just as easy as finding a fashion blogger in curated fashion exhibition, my once-defined line between geek/nerd and jaw-droppingly smart people is now blurred. One is not necessarily classified as a geek/nerd for excelling at something not many people (or you) do. This firm makes me value identities more through the positive impact you have in others. It also shapes me into a much more open-minded and less judgmental individual than I was. Does having a PhD in chemical engineering make one a socially awkward person who spends days in front of laptop gulping soda on daily basis? Not really. (Unless their deck is due) Does being a magna cum laude Cambridge graduate classify one as an introvert individual who's hardly in touch with society? Don't think so. (Unless you have a client's BOD meeting in a week and your deck is due) A 3.8 GPA does not necessarily mean he/she is an uncool individual who hardly goes and are invited to parties since they don't party like you do. Surprise surprise, they also do...sometimes even harder.

It probably sounds like a dream team: A deadly combination between people who work hard and play harder. Well, in fact, it definitely is. They're the kind of people you would love to talk about anything to. From politics to economy, from fashion to music. They're those open-minded people who hardly judge people since they value intelligence more than what music you listen to. People who are annoyed if you don't get things done more than if you talk like the Kardashian sisters. (Well, they're still annoying to me though) And if you don't think you're intelligent enough to jump into their clique, they would be more than happy to 'scale' yourself up since sharing and feedback is a culture they firmly hold on to. Yes, it also means that one day you'll be 'upgraded' with more knowledge from the sharing session, and another day you'll be crashing down for being criticized blatantly for your lack of performance. *shrugs* 

Bottom line is, when someone is not into the cool stuffs you're into, or always knows something about everything, or just simply not in the same clique of your social butterfly clique, or whose occupation is not as cool as you think (y'know, cool jobs like fashion blogger, photographer, or simply a 'socialite' [if that's even a job]), it does not mean you're superior than them. They might know much more than you do, they just happen to talk about it only with people they're comfortable with or share the same or even broader knowledge with. Because they value deep conversation more than small talk. (It doesn't mean they don't do small talk though. I was once in a team who talked about Olivia Pope's style for almost one hour straight. #girltalk )

When intelligence, Chanel handbag, Patek Philippe watch, and Benz car can go together, why should be coolness only defined by two or three out of the four?

What's Up, Self?

"But sometimes I get a panic attack when I hear about a college mate's career 

that's sky-rocketed. Like, 'Shit, what have I been doing all my life?'"

"[laughs] Right, but whatever. Put it in your fuck it basket. We always have our own way. 

It only depends on God on how He wants it to be."

"I know everybody has their own way and I have mine as well."

"But, really."

"My fuck it basket it full, I need to find a new one."

"What things did you put in there?"

"But you're correct, though. My boyfriend also said that, in career, 

I'm always kinda stuck on one perspective."

"Man, why are you so negative?"

---

That's that. Right in the heart.

I need to get out and meet people more.

I need to rejuvenate myself.

To All People Who Crave over Credits

"If you're really that good then people would just notice
without you trying so hard to show it."

Pitfalls of Dating the Freakishly Attractive

"The other day, at a Fashion Week party, my friend Alan and I stood against a wall, scanning the room for hot people, as you do. “It’s weird,” he said contemplatively, staring into a sea of models. “Lately, in order to want to sleep with someone, I actually have to like them as a person.” He said this as if it were a mind-blowing revelation. I told him that, at 31, the realization was probably a bit overdue, but I knew what he meant: As one gets older, it becomes harder and harder to be attracted to someone simply because of the way they look. Is it because, with age, we care more about a relationship’s potential longevity, rather than just instant sexual gratification? Or perhaps we become more acutely aware of the impermanence of beauty after experiencing our own signs of aging? Or, more simply, have we just realized that dating freakishly beautiful people isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?
A female friend once told me, “It’s always best to date attractive men, but not so attractive that everyone’s constantly trying to jump on their dick, because that’s just stressful.” The sentiment actually made a lot of sense to me. While some people clearly feel proud to have a hottie on their arm, others are more comfortable having the upper hand in the beauty department. If you’ve ever had someone look at you during sex with this completely euphoric expression, like, “I can’t believe I get to do this with you,” you understand that “dating down” in terms of attractiveness can be a confidence boost in its own right. And while I’m drawn to extremely beautiful people, I more often want to just stare at them or hang an oil painting of them on my wall rather than lie on top of them nude. But I’ve also wondered if, deep down, I’m just intimidated by the idea of dating someone hotter than me.
My friend Millie Brown, a performance artist widely known as the "vomit artist," has a lot of experience with dating freakishly attractive men. Millie and I lived together during our early and mid-twenties, and at the time, it felt like every other week she had a new model boyfriend. "It wasn't that I was specifically attracted to models," Millie clarified recently. “It just so happened that, about five or six years ago, what was fashionable in terms of male models were thin, tattooed punk boys who looked like they’d just been plucked from a skate park, and that’s what I was into. Of course I’m attracted to beauty,” she concluded, “but so is everyone else.”
It’s true: It’s human nature to want to kiss and touch and penetrate beautiful people. Most of us, at some point in our lives, have hung posters of models and movie stars on our bedroom walls. And no matter how much I love my partner, I still occasionally masturbate to Tony Ward. But according to Millie, the reality of being romantically involved with the world’s most desired has its downsides.
“What’s annoying is that when you’re with a really hot guy, other girls have no qualms about coming up and hitting on him right in front of you,” she said. “Or girls will turn and blatantly stare at your boyfriend in the street. At certain times that can be a confidence boost, but it’s hard to deal with on a daily basis, especially when you don’t 100 percent trust the person you’re dating.” And this doesn’t just go for models, Millie says, but hot people in general. “When you have so many people throwing themselves at you, you’re spoiled for choice, so there’s less incentive to be faithful. Not to mention that people get away with so much more when they’re attractive.”
And that’s not just true of relationships; it’s true of life in general. It’s a widely documented psychological phenomenon that good-looking people are perceived by others as being better people overall—as being nicer, more intelligent, better at their jobs, and yes, better to date. And, according to economist Daniel S. Hamermesh, author of Beauty Pays: Why Attractive People Are More Successful, there are also many economic benefits to looking good, from higher wages at work to getting better deals on loans.
But according to Millie, all of this unearned praise and attention can present problems in relationships. “When you’re a model, or just extremely good-looking, people are constantly telling you that you’re beautiful, but those people usually want something from you,” she told me. “You’re surrounded by ingenuine people, and therefore lack the knowledge of how to form good, honest relationships.” Because of all the attention, she said, beautiful people often become obsessed with how other people perceive them, which can ultimately lead to a pronounced insecurity. “At one point I felt like I was dating a teenage girl,” she said. “The guy I was dating would endlessly post half-naked selfies, and then wait around to see how many people liked them. He just constantly needed validation.”
Personally, the people I’ve been most attracted to—not the superficial kind of attraction we feel to a pretty person on a page, but a deep, chemical attraction—have not been conventionally beautiful. The attraction felt almost indefinable, relying on everything from their looks and style to their mind and profession, to the smell of their skin and the sound of their voice. Deep attraction is, of course, a multisensory experience. But, as un-shallow as I have congratulated myself for being on many occasions, I will admit that there have been times when someone’s looks overwhelmed any need for a deeper compatibility.
Case in point: A couple years ago, I dated a writer whose work I really admired—he was kind and intelligent, we got along wonderfully, and the sex was good, too. However, he was bald and a little shorter than me, and ultimately just not that hot. It never bothered me when we were alone, but as things got more serious, I began to feel nervous about introducing him to my friends. I hated myself for having such superficial impulses, but I couldn’t help it: I want to be able to show my partners off to the world for both what they do and how they look. And I expect the same from my friends. In the past, when a friend has introduced me to a new partner who’s superhot, but clearly an idiot, I’ve judged them for it. On the other hand, whenever a girlfriend of mine starts dating a middling, out-of-shape guy, all I can think is: This isn’t feminism.
Popular culture tells us that it’s normal for average-looking or even unattractive men to date beautiful women, as long as the men are successful—the trollish tycoon with the supermodel wife is a classic archetype—but that the reverse is somehow remarkable. In sociology, this is called the “beauty-status exchange”—an attractive person pairs with a wealthy or powerful person, and both win. And usually, this exchange is heavily gendered.
But according to new research by University of Notre Dame sociologist Elizabeth McClintock, despite outliers like Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall, in the practical world, this very rarely happens. The study, “Beauty and Status: The Illusion of Exchange in Partner Selection?,” finds that people are ultimately looking for compatibility and companionship; that men and women are actually equally shallow in terms of beauty and status. Well-educated people want to date other well-educated people, and the beautiful are drawn to their beautiful counterparts. In other words, before we make claims that women use their beauty to “marry up” in terms of economic status, we have to take into account our country’s 70-percent wage gap, according to McClintock. Women tend to marry men who make more money than them, whether they’re beautiful or not.
As for Millie, after years of dating models, she eventually had to cut herself off. “When I was younger, I could see a photograph of a guy and fall in love with him,” she said. “But now, even when I find someone extremely attractive, I’m indifferent to act on it unless I’m also attracted to them intellectually and emotionally—they have to still be hot when they open their mouth, basically. As I get older, I naturally want to be with someone who can do more than look pretty in a picture.”
It makes sense. As we grow up and become more dynamic, intelligent people, we expect the same from our partners. That’s not to say that beauty doesn’t matter—sexual attraction in a romantic relationship is clearly vital. But if a superficial quality is the focal point of your relationship, or the source of what binds, that’s a bad sign. If I’m ever feeling particularly superficial, I just think of this quote from Andy Warhol, which pretty perfectly sums up my idea of beauty: “I really don’t care that much about ‘Beauties.’ What I really like are Talkers. To me, good talkers are beautiful because good talk is what I love. . . . Talkers are doing something. Beauties are being something. Which isn't necessarily bad, it’s just that I don’t know what it is they’re being. It’s more fun to be with people who are doing things.”


--As copied from this article from Vogue

The A-Team

X: "Sometimes I feel like I want to be fashion buyer for the firm."

Y: "You can't make a living from that."

X: "That's what my sugar daddy program's for!"

--------------

X: "So I met A, she's editor in chief of this famous female magazine.

She said that I dress more and more like Olivia Pope."

Y: "Oh yes, she's right!"

X: "Yeah right, but I don't sleep with the President!"

Y: "Not yet, X. Not yet."

--Conversations in all-female team I'm gonna miss.

Apology

You can't just yell and say hurtful things to people then expect them

to be nice to you the very next day. Have some goddamn brain.

And heart.

"An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything."

--Lynn Johnston

Dear Daddy

It's hard when you set your Dad as a standard

when measuring men's qualities cause

they just simply can't compete.

Not even close.

"When you're looking for a husband, look for someone who can make money
without any help from his parents.
Don't ever marry Mommy's little boy. They're cowards." --Dad

To A 9-years-and-still-counting Friendship

"It's been said that everlasting friends go long periods of time
without speaking and never question their friendship.

These friends pick up phones like they just spoke yesterday,

regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live,

and they don't hold grudges.

They understand that life is busy and you will

always love them."

--A friend's post on Path

Sanctuary

Sometimes all you need is just a day off

instead of those glitter and gold.

He Does What The Night Does To The Day

"I've been feeling foolish, you should try it

She came and substituted the peace and quite for

Acrobatic blood, flow concertina

Cheatin' heartbeat, rapid fire.."

('She's Thunderstorms' - Arctic Monkeys)

C+J Forever

Put yourself in this situation: You have a best guy friend since highschool, become lovers in college and decide to get married young. Now 30, you're on your way up with your career and your husband is on his way nowhere with, again, unemployment that you decide to divorce but still maintain a good friendship as how it's always been with your soon-to-be ex-husband. But your decision, in fact, turns out to drive you away from the friendship, from the 'forever' promise you two have always been keeping.

That's what happens between Celeste and Jesse (well played by actress as well as the daughter of Quincy Jones, Rashida Jones and Saturday Night Live's Andy Samberg, respectively). 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' serves you with drama along with comedy wrapped up in bro jokes. 'Real' drama touches me more than 'drama' drama ('The Notebook', 'The Vow', you name it) because the tendency of it to be happened in real life is crystal clear. (Not mentioning the opening song, Lily Allen's Littlest Things, which is my favorite). And, to be honest, this movie brings up the kind of issue which intrigues me the most: Marrying the guy your age. Well, my assumption is proven to be right (at least in this movie...and in some cases).
'Celeste and Jesse Forever' totally nails it. As the tagline says, 'A Loved Story', this story is very likely to be loved, even by not a big fan of drama movies.

C: 'Do you think it's weird we hang out all the time?'

J: 'No, you're my bestfriend.'

C: 'Yeah, you're my best friend too.'

The Land of (Some People's) Dream

"A remarkable experience or staying in your comfort zone? "

Life once asked me.

No need to ask,

I chose a remarkable experience.

World Folkloriada 2012 was the answer.

All folk performers from all around the world gathered in one prestigious festival.

Dancers, musicians, traditional culinary chefs.

I never was a dancer. Yet there I was. Performing.

Located in the largest festival area I've ever been to,

you could find almost anything.

Turkish ice cream? Check. Wiener sausage? Check.

Bibimbap? Clearly check.

Now let's get lost in the World Folk Market.

Rise and shine.

Brighter than the sun.

This fountain changed colors.

Red to blue to green to yellow to white to purple.

We never had enough of it.

Forget tying your wish to a balloon & let it fly.

Write your wish & tie them at this bridge instead.

It was Traditional Game Day.

"Lompat Karet" was what we decided to play.

Who would think we'd be attracting many people to play with?

Here is the Tahitian teenager with his impressive skill.

Jump jump, tiger.

Spread your wings and fly away..

Or in this case,  spread the fabric attached to your costume.

And strike a pose.

Can't hardly remember all of these Korean food's name.

All I know is Kimchi, which taste doesn't really suit me.

Matchum Land.

The land of hope,

of dream,

of joy,

of love,

of laugh.

The land which would surely be missed.

I never was a dancer. Yet there I was. Performing.

I never was a dancer. Yet people knew me as one.

I never was a dancer. Yet I danced in the biggest folklore

festival a real folk dancer could only dream of.

I never was a dancer.

But maybe, at that time, and at some other time,

I probably was.